there was a quote by a patient on house

"we can aspire to anything but we don't get it just because we want it."

I should make a t-shirt that says that

Af number something else

and I need to go shopping. I need to get some take along thomas stuff. The wooden trains are a big hit. I think she needs something we can take with us on the trips we'll be going on this year. Something in a case she can carry herself too. THat's take along. They have this wooden briefcase thing at Toys R us but I think it'd be too heavy for her. I'm not carrying it.
I'm trying ot figure out everything I need to do. I need to make a list. First on the list is to figure out where exactly the train table needs to go. It's in her room but it takes up too much of the floor space. That doesn't bug her but it bugs me. If she had a playroom upstairs that wouldn't matter. But, she doesn't. I can't push it up against the wall until she's taller b/c she's too short to reach all the way across the table to the other side to run the trains. Oh and she's hella funny. We took it upstairs this evening and she helped me rebuild the layout. Some of the tracks just stop but she doesnt care. She goes choo choo hop chgga choo choo. No idea where she go that from but it made me laugh. We also watched the one Thomas DVD we go ther 863683 times today. She sings the dang Thomas song too now. Horrible. OK IIIIIII watched it. She kept walking in circles around the tracks running the trains. I guess I coudl have shut it off but I knwo she was listening to it. She'd look up and say that train is gumpy or he is happy. That made me laugh too. Trains are cool. We even need more track adaptors. Hehe.

I've already taken down all of the Christmas stuff. Red looked kinda sad when Meredith and I started taking the ornaments off the tree. I said we have to put it away before we go dude. He said I know. The tree will go away on Wednesday with the trash. We'll be leaving for Atlanta and the wedding in not too long so we can't have a dry live tree in here acting as tinder for Survivor Man. I like the trains and don't want them to burn in this joint.

I hope everyone is having a good mini vacation. I like our fun new stuff. I wish I had gotten some people stuff though. We did get one set the day before Christmas but that doesn't count. It was just a small thing. BUt it's fun. I'm more addicted to this stuff than Meredith.

Tomorrow we will play Candyland. That should be rad.

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Happy Hanukkah etc

to everyone. And if you don't celebrate anything I hope you had a good day off of work.

Did I say I was having evil quad pain. Well, I was, it was from hitting the muscle with the meds. It's mostly gone.

My friend had this posted on her blog

so I copied her. Hugs to all of my fellow MWs especially those whose dudes are gone right now.

The Sailor's Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, the ship was out steaming,
Sailors stood watch while others were dreaming.

They lived in a crowd with racks tight and small,
In a 80-man berthing, cramped one and all.

I had come down the stack with presents to give,
And to see inside just who might perhaps live.

I looked all about, a strange sight did I see,
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

No stockings were hung, shined boots close at hand,
On the bulkhead hung pictures of a far distant land.

They had medals and badges and awards of all kind,
And a sober thought came into my mind.

For this place was different, so dark and so dreary,
I had found the house of a Sailor, at once I saw clearly.

A Sailor lay sleeping, silent and alone,
Curled up in a rack and dreaming of home.

The face was so gentle, the room squared away,
This was the United States Sailor today.

This was the hero I saw on TV,
Defending our country so we could be free.

I realized the families that I would visit this night,
Owed their lives to these Sailors lay willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate on Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom each day of the year,
Because of the Sailor, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas Eve on a sea, far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The Sailor awakened and I heard a calm voice,
"Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice."

"Defending the seas all days of the year,
So others may live and be free with no fear."

I thought for a moment, what a difficult road,
To live a life guided by honor and code.

After all it's Christmas Eve and the ship's underway!
But freedom isn't free and it's sailors who pay.

One of my friend's needs P and PT

Can you send them towards Kansas City to Karen? Her dad died on Saturday after his second stroke. I'm sure this is a very hard time for her and her family.

Thanks!

I was in bed

granted not at the time I should have been but I was in bed. I layed there for 30 minutes before deciding to get up and get on the computer. There's no point in laying there when you can't shut your mind off.

I think that after I make the quote for Meredith's wall I'm going to sell my cricut and the cartridges I have. There's no point in keeping something I odn't use. It takes up a lot of space. Maybe I shoudl sell all of the scrap stuff that I don't use. I should also go thru all of my tools that I used ot make the dollhouses. That stuff I may just gift to someone form my old mini club. There are a few ladies there who woudl appreciate the stuff and take care of it. Or maybe I should keep all of it since one day, in theory, I will have time use it.

My thighs hurt. It's like I've done squats with too much weight pain. I haven't lifted weights. The pain radiates form both this weeks injection sites. I think I saw that before on MS World as a side affect someone else had on Copaxone. If tht's the way it's going ot be then this SUCKS.

Dude was sending me job links. I qualify for something good still even with a gap on my resume. Good thing I learned so much at Eagle-Picher. Occasional misery was useful. I'm wondering though, what do I do about the schedule Meredith has for school AND what do I do about the shakes I have. I can't write legibly and if the lab is cGMP that's a must. Maybe a higher dose of neurontin would help that? Must ask Dr S at the next appt.

Oh well. Off to search for nothing online.

When you're not sleeping...

and you're feeling kinda icky and you don't know what's going on with your body, and you stab yourself in various places and inject meds that itch/burn/leavewelts/etc... and you're just in an overall foul mood you'd think you'd try to do something about it. Well, I am. It's 9:30 and I'm upstairs in bed on Red's laptop. I't not even plugged in so when it goes to sleep I have to as well. Granted the battery lasts 5 hours or more but, I digress.

I noticed I skipped a few weeks on this thing. I actually didn't. I thought of things to type. None of them really felt like being typed, we had a committe meeting so I know this for a fact, so I just didn't do it. I figured since it was just random bitching it wasn't necessary. There's nothing new going on with my MS which is the point of this thing so I just didn't type anything. Funny b/c I bet most of what I've typed in the past few months has jack to do with it either. Then again it has something to do with me and I have MS so if you want to get technical it does. Whatever. My mind isn't working quite right here lately.

Tomorrow we're taking some stuff my mom sent to a playgroup friend fo rher sister's kid. She's 3 years older than Meredih so she'll liek this stuff. Sounds mean but really, it's not. I coudl dump it in the trash. Instead I found a kid who won't be getting much for Christmas and would LOVE this stuff so, there ya go. Also we're going to the NEX in Norfolk. We hardly ever go there now since we live even further away. Plus Dude isn't at that base now. Works for me. OHOH I did go there last weekend b/c Dude told me he saw that the Hobby Shop was having a Thomas sale so I went to see what they had. CAROUSEL!!! I've been looking for this damn thing in a good box for a long time. And I found the engine wash dealie that Meredith loves so much. I think she likes the dial you twist to make the trains go thru. She thinks it's cool. They were way cheaper on base and there's no tax PLUS there was 20% off. The old dudes in there are entertaining too so that works for me. I do think we'll , I mean SHE'LL need more track though. Extra track to do awesome layouts. Likely that can wait. I don't think she really cares. I do though. ;)

Oh and then we'll go to Ms E's. I have something for her tre that ought to make her laugh. I think she could use a good laugh.

That is all.

It bugs me

when people assume they know me b/c they've met me a few times. Try being my neighbor, or in the FRG with me, or going to school with me, or working with me or even being in my playgroup or music/art class. You don't know me and don't assume you do.

Maybe I'm seriously overreacting. Maybe I need to go to bed.

No I think it's like the chick who I saw with Zoe today said after I asked her how she felt when people think that b/c she looks ok she is ok, "You don't know me don't even pretend that you do." She's right.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME DON'T EVEN PRETEND THAT YOU DO.

It's amazing what you can learn about someone that you think you have pegged when you ASK A QUESTION INSTEAD OF ASSUMING YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER.

Off to bed.

Dude sent me this quote

and it made me laugh.

"If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid." Murphy's Law of Combat Ops

random things and stuff

I noticed today that I am still losing weight even though I'm a major gym slacker. I'm still good about what I eat, even though I'm bad about WHEN I eat so what's that all about? I'm not making time for the gym. I guess right now I just don't want to do it. It made me feel better, stronger and better, but I just don't feel like it. Gilad keeps calling my name. I should get to that at least. But I don't feeeeeeel like it.

My assigned Rebif nurse called today when we were on our way to art class. She's like so one more month then maybe you'll come back? I didn't leave YOU lady come on now. I do think I'll go back to Rebif. I know how to deal with those side affects, I know everything about it so I may as well stick with it. That's a whole thing though. It's out of my system so I'll need to titrate back up to the normal dose again. When I started the Copaxone I was just about reaching the level where it does the most good now when I reach that level with Copaxone I'll be switching again. It is what it is. I'll be glad to be on a different med when we go to the family reunion though. Less syringes to carry with me. (That's not negative, it;s realistic) A beach reunion in June will be a whole other thing to deal with. I don't think I'm going to have too much fun since the coolest place is in the water and water and I aren't friends. I may hang out with Grandma O in her room.

Speaking of trips, we'll be going to Atlanta to see Uncle Joe then driving to a wedding in Alabama in January. I think it might be smart to carry 2 or 3 extra syringes in case we are stalled for some odd reason. We're driving but still.

Wednesday I'm going to see Zoe again. She has another "client", or whatever she calls us, that has Lyme Disease and she wants us to meet. Apparently we have similar attitudes and similar issues. It should be interesting. She mentioned this a long time ago to me and to this chick and we both agreed. I wonder if this is commonplace. It can't be a bad thing to meet someone who is similar in personality and going thru similar circumstances. We shall see. PS this will be the third installment of leave Meredith at Ms D's house while I/we go do something.

Why am I up at 1:14. Can't sleep. I made a deal with myself that I'm going to start going to bed at 11 at the latest. All I do is lay there and flip over like 98569826 times. That doesn't work for the other people in my bed. Red needs to sleep b/c he gets up before dawn cracks when he's actually home a night and the small girl is CRANKY if she doesn't sleep. Who am I kidding, we're ALLLLLLLLLLL cranky if we don't sleep.

Tomorrow we're taking the dude his lunch b/c there's nothing here for him. Then we're going to the NEX and the commissary. At the good base. I don't like the backwards one that's not far from us.

OK. Off to find something to entertain me on the internet.

Pathetic...

It's been a long long time since I've written anything.

The TTC thing makes me ill. I have some kind of guilt complex thing that is making me want to stay on this med and go let them run tests on me. Fortunately Red said no. He's a smart guy. SO, we have one more cycle I think of Copaxone left and that's it.

I'm trying to figure out which med I need to switch to. Go back to Rebif? Go to Betaseron? I'm wondering if I only needed to be aggressive right after I was diagnosed. If that's not the case then it's back to Rebif. Then again I know someone who was on Betaseron for years, it's been around for YEARS and it's the most tested of all the drugs. Not sure what I'm going to do. I know what Rebif does to me and I know how to manage it. My liver doesn't hate it either.

Christmas is coming sooooon and I'm excited for the Trains! I may not sleep on Christmas Eve. I do have to remember to not push the buttons or play the music on any of the musical things. For sure the small girl will hear it and wake up.

SHe's so funny. She's seen Santa 3 times. 3 different Santas and she's been excited every time. I wonder if that'll confuse her when she's older. She's so cute yelling HIIII SANTAAAA...although the word she uses for Santa doesn't necessarily sound like Santa. Here's one shot from Red's command children's party tonight (she doesn't have on shoes b/c it was at a bounce house place just fyi). They were looking for whatever gift she was going to get. It was a Care Bear, the one with an attitude. I told her "See Meredith it has a bad attitude like Mommy" Some lady laughed at me. Whatever. It's true.