Moved up in titer values

today. 2 more weeks then we go full dose. Hopefully I can handle it this time and don't need to back down.

Today I went to get a gyn referral from my PCM. She seems to think I"m going to have issues getting more than an IUD from them since we only have one child and I'm not yet at advanced maternal age. Yeah we'll see about that.

I went to a health fair thing today...

and it was very interesting. Accidentally sat with a chick from Red's old ship which was entertaining and learned a bunch of stuff I never actually thought about before. It was another situation where a lot of the people were using walkers or canes or some other assistance device to be mobile. Then the other half looked like they were perfectly fine. That's always interesting. But, I do know first hand that just b/c you look fine doesn't mean you are. It might be easier to have a cane or a walker b/c then you don't have to defend yourself when you whine or bitch. That's a very interesting thing too. Why should you have to explain yourself to anyone. It's no one else's business why things are the way they are with you.

Meredith has a sniffle thing. Wondering if it's just b/c I've had it cold in here or if she's really sick. Either way I think I might need to just chance taking her to my appt to get a referral to gyn on Monday and risk having them cancel me when I show up with her. I can't take her to D's house sick. Stupid. Oh well. Yeah dude is in school. I made the appt when he should have been home but he won't be. Just like I have a Zoe appt on Tuesday. The sniffle better be gone by then.

Today was another neuro appt

I had to get blood drawn, we had a nice chat, he gave me a new paper script for Rebif to mail in to get bulk meds. That's about it. He said the cold thing I had the other day was likely a flare. He also said it's common for MS patients to have mood disorders. I'm sure Zoe will like to hear about that as if she doesn't already know that.

Then there's the story of when I went to get my blood drawn.

I had a corpsman who was obviously very green. He felt and found the arm vein they normally find but don't use b/c it rolls away. He sticks the needle in, one that's too big mind you only I don't say anything to help him, and he misses, he scoots the needle and misses again he digs and digs and still misses. Finally he calls another lady over who is normally the one who does it and SHE misses. She gives up and goes for the back of my hand with a butterfly like they normally do but she is sucking today and misses. Digs and misses, digs and misses then gets it. The weird part? They kept apologizing b/c I should have been in pain. I didn't feel it at all. I was leaning on the little arm thing watching Meredith eat a sucker they gave her not even wincing. That's not a good thing. Have to report that too.

Shot 3

and all is well.

Hope Ms. B is having a blast in Korea!!!

SECOND SHOT

and it's uneventful too so far.

Uneventful...

aside form a small girl who doesn't want to sleep and is getting used to not getting mooah when it's dark outside all is well. I'm so glad to be back on this med.

NIGHT ONE!!!!!!

It's baaaaack! Tonight is my first shot of my titration pack. EXCITED doesn't even describe how I feel. More in the am after I see how it goes.

Weird happenings last night

I woke up freezing cold like shivering freezing cold. It's like 3 or 4 am and I don't want to wake Red b/c he has to get up in the am for an appt. I do though and ask him to go downstairs and check the thermostat. Nope it's fine. So I get up to take a shower. Maybe a hot shower will help. Nope. I have it on hotter than normal..it should have hurt and it doesn't warm me. Not only that but I can't stand in it so I sat o the floor. SO I get back in bed, he helps me layer on shorts and pants and socks and he piles the blankets on me. I never stop shivering and it's HURTING me. He took my temp, gave me Tylenol, looked online to see what it could be. We've decided it was a short lived flare. I'm tired and feel like poop today from being so tense for so long.

So, we'll report that to the neuro.

I also saw Zoe today. Lots going on on that front. I'll see her again at the end of the month after I see my neuro and we'll decide what exactly is happening in my head. I'm glad I have a Zoe.

I got my REBIF back!!!

and I start it on Monday. I have to give my injection sites the chance to heal a bit. Copaxone beat the spots to hell.

I'm happy about it. It's weird b/c the last time I started it I was scared. Now I feel like it's something i have control over.

YAYAYAY REBIF!!!

There's this weird thing I've recently learned.

It's that having close female friends is a good thing. I used to avoid girls like the plague. History tells me that they bring drama and issues I just don't feel like dealing with to the table when you have a relationship with them. Chicks have always been the ones who are trash talking or bad mouthing people for no damn good reason. Mostly just for their own entertainment. I have very little use for that kind of nonsense. Then there's the ohhhh HUGGG me ohhhhh you're my BESTTTT FRIENDDDDD sap bullshit that I have very little use for either.

Then I changed my mind.

I've come to realize that chicks aren't so bad. Select chicks mind you.

I have the female friends who know my business. They can tell by looking at me that I'm in the worst mood ever even though I sound like I'm fine and I mostly look like I'm fine. They know that something isn't right behind my eyes...or something. They know that I need to get away. They know that I need them and even if they are having a pretty shitty time of it they give themselves to me... if only for a little while.

I have the female friends who have taught me so much about being my own person again. That I can't do everything all the time and get away with it when I'm tired or hurting or sick or cranky or or and and and or. They know that sometimes you drop one of the balls you're juggling. They know it's ok to do that. They know that it's normal to do that. They know that sometimes you have to put all of those balls down and sit down and BREATHE. It's ok to do that. It doesn't mean you've failed. It means that you're human.

I have the female friends who are perfect examples of mothers. I know every type of mother. I know the ones with no kids (yeah you can still be a mother with no kids IMO)I know the ones with step-kids. I know the ones with 6 kids. I know the ones who are just as scared as I am when one of their kids is sick. I know the ones who fight with themselves about which school to send their kid to or if that's even a good idea. I know the ones who wonder if they should keep working or if they should stay home or if they should try to do both. I know the ones who doubt every little decision they make BUT, in the end, they make a decision and they move on. Because that's what you do.

I love them, the women who are my friends. Because they let me see them when they are vulnerable. Because I hold them close to my heart. Because they don't doubt me. Because they love me. Because they trust me. Because they accept me for who I am. Because they hold me up when I don't want to do it myself. Because they don't think I'm weak for hurting or crying. Because they let me in.

Because.

Weird.

It's ok.